Talking To Your Child About Body Image and Self Esteem
I was recently approached by a colleague, psychologist, and long-time friend who asked me to give a talk to her psychology students about how to speak to children about body image, which became my inspiration for this blog post.
As a society, our minds have been trained that thinness is “good” and having a heavier set figure is inherently “bad.” At a young age, our kids pick up on how parents, peers, and the media talk about body shapes, sizes and eating habits. This in turn, begins to shape their own views on this topic earlier than you think.
We as caregivers need to normalize body diversity. We also should be aware of how we talk about our own bodies, how we react to others’ various body sizes and shapes, and, unfortunately the negative language that may be used surrounding weight/stature during pediatrician appointments.
These are just a few examples of phrases our children might hear us say:
"Ugh, I've been so bad about working out. I feel disgusting"
"I made some really bad food choices this weekend, I don't deserve to eat that birthday cake"
You may hear the pediatrician say in front of your child "Your son is in the overweight category in his growth chart and needs to go on a diet" (BLECH I HATE THAT WORD). Side bar, this is horrible bedside manner, and I have heard several first hand stories of this happening.
It is never too early to start talking to your little ones about body image positivity/ neutrality, and celebrating the many shapes, sizes, colors and talents our bodies have. Bodies can be healthy at a number of sizes and are capable of doing so much for us. However, I want to emphasize that maintaining a healthy weight is key in avoiding medical complications. It’s just that everyone has their own baseline for what their healthy weight should be.
Below are some recommended books on body image that you as a parent or caregiver can use to open up this conversation with your child:
Every Body: A First Conversation About Bodies By Megan Madison, Jessica Ralli and Tequitia Andrews
No Body is the Same By Dr. John Layke
Bodies are Cool By Tyler Feder
I Like Myself! By Karen Baumont
These are some examples of how you can talk to your child if you think they are unhappy with their body
“Your body is strong and powerful”
“You said you don’t like your belly. Tell me what you mean. What are some things that you like about your belly? Sometimes we have days where we do not like some parts of our bodies. What can we do to cheer ourselves up when this happens?”
“We can remind ourselves what our bodies do for us, not just how they look.”
“People have different body shapes and sizes the same way they have different eye color, skin colors, and hair.”
This is a complex and sensitive topic. If you would like one-on- one counseling, to learn more about different dialogues to have with your kids, or meal plans for varying ages, please reach out for an appointment. My door is open :)
Cheers,
Jennifer
